Member since Tuesday, 9 July 2002
Last visited on Thursday, 5 December 2013
assbastard has posted 78 entries, 10900 comments , has a karma score of 470 and has moderated other SE users +100 Funny.
assy's hole o' fame quote wall!
"I heart norok. I love his obliviousness and his lack of self-awareness and his certainty about the rightness of things that even a moments reflection would reveal to be just batshit fucking crazy. I can't even imagine how he goes about in the world, but it warms my heart that he does. That space has been made to allow him to be himself, contrary to how reality really is." ~Papango
On SE, the gerontophile shall dwell with the infantilism:, and the vore shall lie down with the cuckold; and the metrosexual and the pomosexual and the ubersexual together; and a little logosexual shall lead them.
~Crysallis, noticeably wet and engorged
"I'm the only child of a single mother. I have a sixth degree blackbelt in relationship sabotage."
"FUCK YOU PISTACHIOS."
"Man , decaf is some goatee wearing dark universe shit."
"According to someone (I forgot the SN), a correlation seems to exist between anal cavity and penis size. What I'm saying is... I may be an anal virgin, but you could throw a beach ball through my rectum."
Trigger has posted 11337 comments
"Cool, should I keep it like that for a while or should I say something else?
...Oh son of a bitch."
"Girls can be pleasured?! No wonder I'm single! :D"
"i have a beautiful cock."
"it's a kitty! with a horsie! oh this makes my uterus cry!"
Chard: Isn't this how it's supposed to work? And studies have shown that female butterflies prostitute themselves for food. Why should starlets be any different?
Papango: When some bees mate their genitals explode and snap off inside the queen bee. I'm not sure the insect world is the best template for figuring this stuff out.
"For the low low price of a ride and a plate of nachos I would be prepared to sit on your couch and talk about how stupid all your friends are while you're trying to play a game or watch TV. This month only I'm throwing in a sports special (who's that? why are they throwing the ball that way? what's on the other channel? this is dumb. that guy's pretty hot they should give him the ball.) at no extra charge."
~Papango, describing the all-inclusive fake girlfriend package
"My genitals are a supermodel compared to some of those."
letoofdune: Psh, yeah, like it's that easy.
ComposerNate, on the prospect of a threesome with BobLLama and his girlfriend:
"Yes, my penis could ruin her for you. It's very pretty."
"Pro tip: Never slice jalapenos and then touch your own dick. It's like getting a blow-job from the devil and he REFUSES TO STOP FOR ANY REASON."
"I enjoy English the way it was meant to be enjoyed, full of nonsensical letter combinations and traps for the unwary."
"fuke i'm drunk
not jut s fiety cent drunk, bt fuck..durnk. my burups takste .like my otothpastel TQUILA;"
~drunk graham (an endless source of quotables)
"You really can't get a good swing in when your pants are jamming your balls into your ass."
"Straight girls have wicked gaydar. I saw you staring at my shoes two comments ago."
"Take that, Jews!
Fucking retards...the lot of 'em."
Also from that same post!
Dioxin: "Bombs can solve all our problems. Criminals harassing your neighbourhood? Bomb. Tech support pissing you off? Bomb. Babies stole your dingo? Bomb. Iran has all the oil? Bomb. It works for everything."
shawnwilkesbooth1: "Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter."
Dioxin: "I'm all out, but that'll be solved as soon as I bomb the distributer."
"Mine is a phone booth. Clark Kent leaves feeling like Superman every time."
~Snowfox re: her vagina
"I don't play Johnny McFuture Boy, I live Johnny McFuture Boy."
~Sacrelicious McFuture Boy
Chop-Logik: "No, no one saw anything. Jingle keys, jingle keys."
Crysallis: "keeeeeeys! *squeels*"
-_-: "This is probably the first time I've wished there was a +1 cute :D"
~Sensibleb recounts his time in the canadian wilderness:
"It is I, sensibleb! Returned from the land of bear and moose with stories of great adventure. I have planted many trees, and saw countless wild animals, including the elusive chipmunk and a toad no bigger than your thumbnail. I built fire using nothing more than wood and matches and petroleum-based accelerants, and I watched television via a crude device known as an "antenna". I swam to an island where I spent an hour with a duck, and then I swam back. Occasionally, I would fight deer."
"Because it's just not camping if you don't wake up with an asshole full of hot bear semen."
"*poop* GOD DAMN JEWS *faaaaaart*"
~graham, continuing his anti-Semitic rampage
"marmaduke is one of the few comics to make family circus look witty"
"Just about as dumb as that geostationary cock* your mom has hovering over her vagina for a month at a time?
*it's a mexican cock"
~graham, remarkably while sober.
"My vag is hot."
"I can picture stumbling into a dimly-lit room with a drain in the center, with crowds of hooded, pale figures hunched around a flickering computer screen displaying gay otter hermaphrodites with giant veiny dicks wildly fucking oddly boyish hentai twins, giving the Goatse Guy a run for his money in terms of stretch factor and shitting all over a pile of maimed and bloody kittens who had their tiny penii split open when they shot out football-sized sperm into the 80-year old peg-legged Italian stripper's prolapsed anus in the first 2 minutes of the video, and one of them turns around and growls:
'If the rest of us can fap to this, so can you.'"
"OH HOLY bALLS MY BALLS ARE BALLSING"
"SUCK ON THE COCK OF GRAMMAR"
~Sacrelicious has thinly veiled woman troubles:
"...and one day this bitch is gonna realize how good she coulda had it (if she had pursued a long term relationship with Direct Loans, of course), and when that day comes she will come to me... er, the financial aid loan officer and beg and plead, saying how wrong she was all along. how she loved the loans but just couldn't admit that to herself because the loans were less glamorous and wealthy than her prostitution scheme, but that that is no substitute for real love. and when that day comes I... er, he will say no, you come to me now that financial aid has made something of itself? HA! either you never loved financial aid in the first place and now only want a piece of the action, or you loved financial aid all along but made the mistake of placing your stupid, myopic little checklist of what you want in a lending institution ahead of your heart. if the former, then get out of my sight. if the latter then live with your regret!"