http://mirrorman.cjb.net

Read here why AmigaCam rules ass.

A fun-loving 32-year old (in dog years) Scorpio and her alter ego, members of the Ogre Corps. Otherwise known as Sensibleb and Rammek, a fat ugly couple of dubious sexuality who can't stop busting balls living under a big, big pile of stinking dogshit in Ontario, Canada.

In case you are really stupid: Those are not me, nor do I wish to be a member of the Ogre-clone corps or whatever it's called. I don't follow that "cool" crowd. Sorry.

**********The twelve commandments of flaming******************

1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball, to boot."

2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of
Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified
to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Polly Purebread, by using the word
'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy."

3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone in the net is just waiting for the next
literary masterpiece to leave your terminal. From recs.arts. wobegon to
alt.gourmand, they're all holding their breath until your next flame.
Therefore, post everywhere.

4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't
*possibly* be that you're a fuckhead. There's obviously a conspiracy against
you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it.

5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin &
Yang of flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good
form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libelled
me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Bertha."

6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkus states
outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand
documentation. If _Newsweek_ hasn't written an article on Harry's pasta
preferences, then Harry's obviously lying.

7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of
flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per
article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum", "vini, vidi, vici",
and "fetuccini alfredo".

8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince
them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a
member of Mensa or Mega or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you
received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs,
GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic' ".

9. Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American
citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the
37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or
move a flame war to e-mail is either a communist, a fascist, or both.

10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have
you? Since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by
now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of
flamers' logic.

11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up.

12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this
one. At some point during your wonderful career as a flamer, you will
undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look
generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: Insult
the dirtbag!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with
vegetables."