Sensible Erection | Cosmo’s 44 Most Ridiculous Sex Tips

Saturday, 23 June 2012

quote [ Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other... you can tap it back and forth like you're volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft and testicles. Many women make the mistake of being too gentle. ]

Some of these had me laughing out loud.

Write out equations, then let WA solve them. Kinda neat how well it worked for me.
http://webdemo.visionobjects.com/equation.html?locale=default

Celebrity lookalikes throughout history
http://9gag.com/gag/4290417

Sea otter being fucking cute
http://youtu.be/ap2mhgldYS4

http://www.macromemeless.com/cat/zelda-nostalgia.jpg
http://accidentalmommies.com/monday-funnies-walmart-edition/
http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2011/April/strange_comic_book_panels.htm

[humour] [by bltrocker@8:57amGMT] [+10 Funny]

Comments

cb361 said @ 9:04am GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:1 Funny]
Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other.

My first thought: "But I don't have two penises to slap together."

NinjasAreMammalsToo said @ 9:07am GMT on 23rd Jun
You don't!? I thought everyone had two!

cb361 said @ 10:24am GMT on 23rd Jun
I'm sick of ninjas waving their penises at me. This is the third time today.

landsky said @ 1:23pm GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:2]
"A clever multi-cock manner in which to entitle this double dickgirl three penis..."

Girl with Two Penises – Hermaphrodite Diphallia

cb361 said @ 4:43pm GMT on 23rd Jun
I don't understand. Is this a joke I don't get, or do people actually think this is real?

GordonGuano said @ 5:12pm GMT on 23rd Jun
You know what happens to people when they lose their happy thoughts, don't you?

RedRiverRat said @ 7:31pm GMT on 23rd Jun
!Um cant fly?
Nothing a little extra fairy dust wont fix!

RedRiverRat said @ 7:34pm GMT on 23rd Jun
that accidental ! made it seem so much more Telemundo. Im going to have to use more of !that. It just screams Im so excited even before you read the word.

Phaedrine said @ 4:22am GMT on 24th Jun [Score:1 Insightful]
‽

cb361 said @ 8:26am GMT on 24th Jun
!

arrowhen said @ 9:55am GMT on 24th Jun
+1 interrobang.

CapnSilver said @ 10:20am GMT on 23rd Jun
I prefer the plural "penes" but mainly because you say it "peenies"

RedRiverRat said @ 12:07pm GMT on 23rd Jun
I thought it was peinisi

RedRiverRat said @ 12:17pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Which raises an interesting question...

What do you call a group of penisi (or penes or penises, we havent settled on a categorization) ?

i.e. flock of sheep, or herd of cows, or murder of crow, or gaggle of geese...

a flock of dicks dosent seem right.

I really really hope that it wouldnt be a murder of cocks.

The same could be said for good ole vagina aka pussy aka too many to be mentioned.

Whats the collective noun for that?

A scattering of twats. A cornucopia of cunts (I like that one). A buncha 'hos.

The world might never know

DarkShadowRavenDragonGrrl69 said @ 12:26pm GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:5]
Bag. A bag of dicks.

snowfox said @ 7:50pm GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:4 Informative]
The dick bag is how the cock monger transports his wares.

cb361 said @ 10:07pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Now you've let the dick out of the bag.

cb361 said @ 11:11pm GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:1 Funny]
A block of cocks.

chickenjack said @ 1:34am GMT on 25th Jun
If you go to Seattle, you may find that a bag of Dicks is quite delicious. I love a hot sack of greasy Dicks!

GordonGuano said @ 4:11pm GMT on 23rd Jun
A dworkin of cunts.

A shrinkage of dicks.

Dioxin said @ 5:48pm GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:1 Interesting]
Ask Lipton

kichijoii said @ 5:56pm GMT on 23rd Jun
group of penises = sausage fest

kind of pitiful we don't have one for vaginas...

RedRiverRat said @ 7:36pm GMT on 23rd Jun
actually a penisi seems like something you'd see in anime out in the dark searching for lost young girls in Japan

arrowhen said @ 9:58pm GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:2 Funny]
Softball team?

arrowhen said @ 8:19pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Congress or parliament, depending on where you live.

ckfahrenheit said @ 3:09am GMT on 24th Jun
a salutation of phalluses
an extravagance of vulvae

this'll end up in Bulwer-Lytton someday I can tell

tickaz said @ 3:08pm GMT on 23rd Jun
I've always said penii (pronounced Peen Eye) but yeah penes makes more sense (if we follow the rule of axis/axes). However I'm pretty sure the real answer is plain boring "penises".

RedRiverRat said @ 7:36pm GMT on 23rd Jun
bummer

azazel said @ 10:00pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Both "penises" and "penes" are correct; "penes" obviously being the latin plural.

landsky said @ 1:10am GMT on 24th Jun [Score:2]

ckfahrenheit said @ 2:48am GMT on 24th Jun
+1 chain maille

swiggy said @ 2:48am GMT on 24th Jun
If I had to wear a chainmail bikini to work, I'd want to to punch a dick too.

arrowhen said @ 9:53am GMT on 24th Jun
As a fat dude who works at a grocery store, I'd totally wear a chainmail bikini to work.

discoLemonade said @ 10:32pm GMT on 24th Jun
now you just sound like my brother in law, who is, in fact, a fat guy that works at a grocery store.

Taleweaver said @ 8:43am GMT on 24th Jun [Score:1 Insightful]
The guy in this scene is flaccid, and if chainmail lady doesn't rethink her approach soon, this isn't going to change.

snowfox said @ 7:08pm GMT on 24th Jun
That dude looks like he's pregnant.

landsky said @ 1:53am GMT on 25th Jun
It doesn't appear that she's rethought her approach:

Ankylosaur said @ 10:25am GMT on 23rd Jun

azazel said @ 12:16pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Yowza!

Supreme_Coconut said @ 1:35pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Ha, read these the other day on Jezebel. Fucking hilarious.

sanepride said @ 4:29pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Many women make the mistake of being too gentle.

NO. This does not seem right.

kichijoii said @ 6:02pm GMT on 23rd Jun
#5 actually works, if she does it right. Have her practice it on you at first; it's worth it. I also like #15 and #17, but those require imagination and preparation, and you can't do them all the time or it will get old.

ckfahrenheit said @ 6:53pm GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:2 Underrated]
more cute baby animals

De_Wr0ng said @ 8:11pm GMT on 23rd Jun
from an old post on how to give hand jobs

b said @ 9:40pm GMT on 23rd Jun
In the same vein, check out item #2 on this list:

http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/10-pranks-will-spice-your-relationship

discoLemonade said @ 10:05pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Womens mags are pretty terrible. I have one around that has an article entitled something like..things he thinks "midbooty" and wont tell you..

or. things your gynecologist wont tell you

they should just be renamed vagina monthly.

cb361 said @ 10:09pm GMT on 23rd Jun
I used to read Vagaina Monthly, but that was before the pornocalypse.

Ankylosaur said @ 12:57am GMT on 24th Jun [Score:3]
I used to read it but I let my subscription prolapse.

Kat said @ 10:18pm GMT on 23rd Jun
http://youtu.be/OTQnUTgLssI

Kat said @ 10:19pm GMT on 23rd Jun
Sigh.

discoLemonade said @ 10:23pm GMT on 23rd Jun [Score:4 Funny]
plus the magazine set unrealistically high expectations of how sex should be, as if human sexuality isnt varied and different for every person.

also this

Barnabas_Truman said @ 6:17am GMT on 24th Jun
Regarding Zelda: it doesn't count as "nostalgia" if it's in 3D. :-P

DarkShadowRavenDragonGrrl69 said @ 11:08am GMT on 24th Jun
There are adult people who's first childhood experience with videogames was the PS2. Doesn't that make you feel old?

DarkShadowRavenDragonGrrl69 said @ 11:08am GMT on 24th Jun [Score:1 Underrated]
whose

arrowhen said @ 6:26pm GMT on 24th Jun
Fuck 'em, they don't count.

Barnabas_Truman said @ 6:49pm GMT on 24th Jun
Exactly. Get those kids an emulator.

DarkShadowRavenDragonGrrl69 said @ 9:13pm GMT on 24th Jun
I do. Occasionally.

Adam said @ 7:17am GMT on 24th Jun
I worked at Cosmo for a summer many years ago. There is nothing in there that has anything to do with reality.

arrowhen said @ 10:04am GMT on 24th Jun
17. "Cook dinner topless, apply a little tomato sauce to your nipple, and ask your man to lick it off."

Hell, I'd lick your nipple just to avoid eating whatever nasty lukewarm vegetable travesty of a "dinner" you can safely cook topless.

papango said @ 10:23am GMT on 24th Jun
You could probably prepare a roast. But then you'd end up singing a nipple off getting it out of the oven.

mechanical contrivance said @ 2:30am GMT on 25th Jun
Sandwiches.

Also, I'm making chili topless right now.

Barnabas_Truman said @ 3:02am GMT on 25th Jun
Topless in this weather? No wonder you're chili.

discoLemonade said @ 8:59am GMT on 25th Jun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zXDo4dL7SU